Saturday, January 07, 2006

At a Hairy Impasse

One of the things that’s always attracted me to Peter is his big Irish face with his ruddy apple cheeks. They give him a boyish charm that, when coupled with his mischievous eyes and half-smile, is nearly impossible to resist.

But, over the last few months, an interloper has come between me and those marvelous cheeks. The apple cheeks that I so love have been taken over by a scraggly raggedy approximation of a beard. Peter insists he wants to grow this thing out until it looks like Richard Harris’ beard in The Field.

Perhaps a better wife would be able to accept this intrusion but I have been railing against it for the last several weeks. It’s not just that I don’t like the way the beard looks – I don’t like the way it feels and I don’t like the way it goes up nose when we kiss.

In my opinion, a beard is nothing more than pubic hair on the face. It serves no purpose other than to catch food stuffs. Plus, it is apparently impossible for a guy to have a beard and not stroke it. Nearly all of our conversations now degenerated into a scolding from me requesting that Peter not make sweet love to the beard.

In short, I am sick of the beard. I have been begging and pleading for some trimming or sculpting to occur and I am repeatedly fobbed off with “I will, just not yet. It’s not ready for that yet.” The little moustache-y bit that ends up in my nose is more than certainly ready for some trimming. When I was in the States, I bought a 9-in-1 beard trimming kit and a package of razor blades but they both remain in their original packaging.

I’ve tried to accept the beard. I’ve tried to compromise and meet the beard half-way. I’ve tried to establish some guidelines that would allow the beard to integrate into our relationship more smoothly. I tried advocating proper care of the beard including regular trimming, particularly in the mousachular area. To date, no such trimming has occurred, which only fuels my frustration.

We seem to have reached a big hairy impasse. Peter says that he’s always wanted a nice big, bushy, distinguished beard. I miss the unfettered view of the apple cheeks. I miss being able to kiss him without having my nose molested. And I just plain hate the beard.

Since Peter is blinded by his love of the beard and I am blinded my hatred of the beard, we have no choice but to solicit opinions here. What say you about the beard?


At 7 January 2006 at 15:47, Blogger Peter said...

I say 'yea' to the beard =P

At 7 January 2006 at 15:57, Blogger -Ann said...

You don't get a vote. Or, rather, you do get a vote and mine cancels yours right the heck out. No beard for you! :P

At 7 January 2006 at 17:59, Blogger Mirty said...

I think the beard looks nice, but all beards need regular trimming. My husband trims his beard and moustache and it's not so bad. He doesn't stroke the beard contstantly though. He just picks his nose. (KIDDING!)

At 7 January 2006 at 19:58, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

Since I have a beard I probably should refrain from voting.

At 7 January 2006 at 23:03, Blogger Lyss said...

Good luck with your Battle Against the Beard.

pubic hair for the face' crack me up

At 8 January 2006 at 15:27, Blogger Steven said...

I'm not sure.

Personally I don't wear funny facial fuzz. That said I do think that Peter looks better with his equivilant of chinnish curls if I'm guessing his image correctly.

However personally speaking if my wife didn't like my (hypothetical) beard I would change it. The fact that it would annoy her when we kiss would be enough for me.

Men in general don't realise how important kissing is to women.

At 8 January 2006 at 15:43, Blogger Arbusto said...

My beard, when I grow it, is redder than his!

Go go gadget beard!

At 9 January 2006 at 18:02, Blogger weese said...

hmm, tough choice.
I like the beard. but I can completly understand your point of view. If I were under that beard, and you found it uncomfortable for me to kiss it would go.

At 10 January 2006 at 00:05, Blogger Lex Fori said...

The beard, in this case, is kinda hot. BUT, you sold me and won your case hands down with your solid analysis:

"In my opinion, a beard is nothing more than pubic hair on the face."

Lex's Advice: Tell Peter he is permitted only one pubic-hair laden area that you are willing to kiss. Let him pick and watch him run for the razor aisle. Nothing works better when it comes to basically meaningless relationship disagreements than to bring sex into it.


At 10 January 2006 at 18:01, Blogger -Ann said...

Thanks for all the comments! A post is forthcoming regarding the resolution of this dilemma. It's made me think a lot about different things and I'm just trying to collect my thoughts. I do appreciate the different opinions.

At 11 January 2006 at 17:04, Blogger Shane said...

You're going to hate me loving sister... a long big beard does say professional landscape photographer. I think it'll sell more prints.

At 11 January 2006 at 19:07, Blogger -Ann said...

Loving brother, by that logic, our other loving brother should be selling prints at a better clip than Ansel Adams.

At 11 January 2006 at 22:23, Blogger Radio Free Newport said...

How about a compromise? Beard during the winter months, clean-shaven the rest of the time. I grew a winter goatee -- closely trimmed, btw -- a few times, but got tired of trimming it and of people telling me I looked like Charles Manson.

"I ain't crazy. I might be Jesus! You're the devil!"

At 15 January 2006 at 01:53, Blogger Career Guy said...

(Ahem). What's all this say about me? That aside, If your mother didn't like my beard, it would be whisked off, lo, even after these 36 years of having one. She did get me to cut my hair. You should see it now--very short, especially on the back and sides. It would take Peter an awfully long time to get "The Field" look. On such a young man as he, it would just make him look like a nutball.


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