Further (Mis)Adventures in High Fashion

This Saturday, I had a meeting that required my taking the bus into the city centre in the morning. I over-estimated how long the trip would take and ended up with about an hour to kill. I wandered into a few shops as part of my ongoing quest to locate a simple pair of black cotton trousers.

You might remember that I wrote about embarking on this fool’s errand back in September. I am happy to report that the ridiculously flared cargo pants are now, officially, out. Yay, you might think. Yay indeed, but for one small detail: they have been replaced by something even worse.

The latest fashion atrocity to blight the city of Dublin are called city shorts. They are straight-leg shorts that are about knee-length. They resemble the short-pants that British boys wore in the 40s. They are cut for the lucky women who are not large of ass or thick of thigh. But, and this is the big issue here, it’s December. Who the hell wants to wear shorts, in the winter, in Ireland?

I guess the fashion is to wear these travesties with tights (read: nylons), particularly the coloured and/or patterned variety. Even if my ass wasn’t like the universe, expanding every second, I still wouldn’t buy these things. Not only are they impractical, they look stupid.

You can still find some long trousers in the city of Dublin, but they have a fatal flaw – they’re super-low riders. I am so damn sick of seeing other women’s thongs or their “bad-girl-bull’s-eye” tattoos. And what’s for sale to wear with these pants that end below the hips?

Yep – half-shirts and half-cardigans and half-shawls. Is cloth an endangered species? Does the War Against Terror require cloth rationing? Are we depleting our supplies of rayon and acrylic?

I’ve got no trouble with sexy little clothes, but for the love of God, it’s the middle of winter! I want to snuggle under nice warm sweaters and fleeces. I want pants that cover my calves AND my ass. I don’t want the area from my waist to my belly button exposed to the harsh cold wind. I don’t think this is too much to ask.

This is what’s available in the casual clothes sections. I don’t want to wear business suits or dresses to my job so I definitely don’t want to wear them in my free time. And I’m not ready to wear elastic waistband polyester pants or shapeless granny housedresses.

All I want is a simple pair of black cotton pants and a couple of warm sweaters. Presumably, I’m not the only one. Where are the clothes for low-maintenance regular girls?