Fun Monday

Before jumping in to this week's festivities, I'm going to be hosting Fun Monday next week. (I have an overwhelming urge to tidy up and redesign my blog before the Fun Monday guests shows up.) Please stop back on Wednesday when I will post the topic for 14 January and start the list of participants. (Let me know in the comments here if you're up for next week.)

For this week's Fun Monday post, Lisa over at Lisa's Chaos has issued a deceptively difficult challenge, difficult for me at least. She wants to hear about our pets. That should be easy, right? Yes, in fact, it is so easy, I'd say that at least 50% of my post are about my pets, either current or past. From Caper the Unstoppable to Sean Og the gold fish, I am a pet-centric writer.

But, needs must and it's good for my writerly brain to have to think up new angles on old topics. Thanks to Robin, who thoughtfully provided a list of Fun Mondays past, I found the perfect angle. For the Fun Monday on 16 April 2007, Bethany asked for answers to a James Tipton style interview.

An interview with Tobias T. Wolf-Dog, better known as Toby:

Q. What is your favourite word?
A. It's tough to narrow it down to just one word. My people tend to talk to me in phrases. So my favourite phrases would be "Who wants to go for a walk?" "Who wants to go for a ride?" and "Who's hungry?"


Q. What is your least favorite word?
A. Bath. Kennel.

Q. What turns you on (creatively, spiritually or emotionally)?
A. There's nothing in the world quite like chewing a good Kong. When I have that Kong between my jaws, I feel the most peaceful sense of relaxation. I also absolutely love sheep - the way they run when I chase them, the excitement of the chase. I don't know why chasing sheep is a capital crime. It's just not fair. What other purpose do they possibly serve?


Q. What turns you off?
A. Doggy jail. I hate going there. Not even sheep would make it a decent place.

Q. What is your favorite curse word?
A. Fucktard, without a doubt. As long as it's not being directly applied to me. I am not a fucktard, I'm just a little exuberant sometimes.

Q. What sound or noise do you love?
A. The sound of rain on the windows, as long as I'm inside. The chirping of the birds. Who am I kidding? I live for the rustle of the food bag and the thwack of a Kong bouncing off the gravel driveway.

Q. What sound or noise do you hate?
A. Peter's mini helicopter. That thing is the incarnation of the devil. I try to tell my people that thing is pure evil but they think it's funny. Sure, it's all fun and games until the evil mini helicopter slits your throat in the middle of the night.

Q. What profession would you like to attempt?
A. I quite like my current profession as greeter and securer of Peter and Ann's little house in the Middle of Nowhere. But, I suppose if I had to pick, I'd love to be a butcher or a garbage man. Or a Kong tester.

Q. What profession would you not like to attempt?
A. I don't think I'd make a very good dog catcher, what with the conflict of interest and all. Probably also wouldn't make a very good shepherd.

Q. If Heaven exists, What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
A. Welcome, Toby. The Kongs are over there and the never-ending bowl of Meaty Bits is available for eternity.