Seven Things I Wish I’d Thought of First

(In no particular order)

Harry Potter. 250 million books sold, a personal fortune that exceeds Queen Elizabeth, a series of hit movies – but all that is just the icing on the cake. The real achievement is the creation of a series of books that presents human, fully developed characters who grow and mature along with the writing.

Insurance. You pay me money, which I invest for my own person gain. If something bad happens, I agree to pay for your damages. Except that when the bad thing happens, I conveniently find some bogus excuse or lame technicality to avoid paying your damages or to weasel my way into only paying part of them. Genius, pure and simple.

Boy Bands. A crime against music, but who cares if it enables you to retire before age 35? Plus, I really enjoy reading about teenage girl frenzies.

The Alphabet. I would have patented the crap out of it and everyone would owe me zillions in royalties and license fees. I’d be so rich, I could have entire house of coins to swim around in, just like my hero, Scrooge McDuck.

Pop Rocks. Crackly, sweet and wholly devoid of nutritional value. Just make sure you use them for Good and not Evil. Yes, Ms. Fori, I am talking to you.

Mellon collie and the Infinite Sadness. Quite possibly the best title of all time.

900 Numbers. Nearly as big a scam as insurance, except that at least a 900 number provides a valuable service, like your horoscope or phone sex.